Engagement Pictures

XOXO,
Allie

Taken at the Pointe Hilton Tapatio Cliffs by David De Dios Photography.

A day in the life...

Oh, hey there.
Me again.
I'm sitting here trying to decide whether this post should be a heart wrenchingly honest one
or
a blah blah blah here's how fabulous my life is one.
Let's go with a slight combination.
Ok? Perfect.

So, the other day I was like Martha Stewart on crack...
cooked, cleaned, painted, knitted, and even paid attention to the dogs.
I have become exactly who I promised myself I wouldn't be.
I fucking love it though.

I admit it...I love being a "housewife."

Dave and I made two more deals.
1. I don't have to resume working 4 days a week IF I volunteer two days and work two.
2. I can get my motorcycle license IF I'm careful and know I can't get my own bike right away.

Done and done.

I love that he makes my dreams become reality.

So the other day I get this wild hair up my ass and decide to seek out some forgiveness & mend a broken tie with an old..."friend."

It went better than I expected.

I laid out my truth and he told me his.

After a year or so of each of us assuming the worst of one another, things were finally set right.

We respectfully got everything into the open and bid one each other the best in life.

I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

A weight I didn't even notice until the other day.

So, what's my point?

My point is that one should always fix their burned bridges.

I let that mother fucker burn like Hell (bridge, not person), but now things are okay.

I'm at peace with the situation.

Humbling yourself and admitting you're wrong is huge.

Sharing yourself is freeing.

Put positive energy into the universe.

XOXO,
Allie

Busy as a bee

For someone who only works 16 hours a week, I can't ever seem to find enough time.
How did I survive when I worked 50+ hours AND tried to keep things together?
Seriously.
The last month or so has been INSANE.

I'm not sure how I remembered to breathe.

First, Dave came home early.
(J. Marc you are dearly missed)
The next day my mom and aunt came into town.
We also had the neph (every weekend) and Strumbley here.
Yes, 7 people in a house that usually has 2.
Dyinggggg.
Don't get me wrong, I love to entertain, but this was a clusterfuck.

Carrie, mom, Brian-- loved having you guys, but it was a madhouse.
We all had great meals, lots of drinking, and a lot of time spent strumbling into the pool.
Yes, "strumbling" is our new word.
It's Brian's last name plus stumble.
Must only be used when referring to an action done while drinking.

After our little trip up to the Prescott house, Dave and I took the wedding bull by the horns.
We accomplished so much while he was here...not to mention he won't be home again until March.
Our engagement pics are already back and they are FABULOUS!!!
I have such a handsome hubs-to-be.
Also, shout-out to David De Dios for being such a talented photog!

Our little stay-cation at the Pointe Hilton was just what the two of us needed.

Lounging poolside is the best thing in the world.
Not to mention being surrounded by natural waterfalls & palm trees without leaving the city!

Dave, you always choose the best places for us to stay.
It even made me forget about NOT being in Costa Rica as planned.

Oh, and more info on the wedding website regarding the resort will be posted soon.

OH SHIT.
I can't believe I didn't say this right away...
I GOT MY REAL RING AND IT IS FUCKING GORGEOUS.
Thanks, baby. 

You have to get something you adore and you won't ever need to upgrade.
I look at my hand a thousand times each day and smile because I love it so.

Diamonds are a girl's best friend.

Dave went back to Afghanistan and I tried to stay positive...
and I ended up at David's Bridal on the way home.
I finally got my dress.

It's going to need major altering because my boobs are several dress sizes larger than my non-existent ass.

It isn't at all what I had envisioned or where I wanted to go, but things ended perfectly.

I feel gorgeous in my dress and I undoubtedly know Dave will agree.
Vera Wang, you are a genius.

Yesterday I enrolled in two classes at PVCC.
I begin with Psychology today and have meditation & wellness on Friday.
Being on a campus again is a strange feeling.
I'm excited to go to school again...

and you all know how I love school supplies.
I'm going to get my associates and then on to bachelors.
Maybe masters someday.

Needless to say, I still haven't picked up more hours at work.

Maybe just one more day rather than two...we'll see.
Peak season in Phoenix is coming soon, so I need to get my butt into gear.

I'm just so tired of the salon atmosphere.

I want to help people in a real way...
not just to look better.

Anyway, I've been feeling happy & content lately.
When I have a spare minute to slow down I realize how lucky I am.
Cooking even makes me smile -- WTF?!?!
A few years ago it made me want to pull my hair out.

I also figured out that I can cook and paint in between.
Bliss.
Two months ago I was in a very different state of mind.
So thankful to be where I am now.

Thankful for wonderful hubs-to-be.
Thankful for love & support from all angles.
Thankful for each new day.

XOXO

The "truth" about me...

This post is going to be raw, vulnerable, and completely honest.
I'm actually nervous as I'm sitting here typing...
and a little out of it as I have been up since 2am.
Anyway, mental illness is the topic du jour.

The recent suicide of a friend initially prompted me to open up.
And the surprising words in an e-mail from an old friend.
I think everyone needs someone to relate to.
So, here I am...
take me or leave me.

I have been suffering with depression since I was 16.
I have been on anti-depressants for the past 8 years.
My parents were initially in denial about what was going on in my life.
Let's face it...nobody wants to have "that" kid.
It wasn't just regular sadness or something that would pass.
They serotonin levels were actually fucked up in my brain.
Not something I could just shake off.
They put me into counseling and started meds.
I got better for awhile.

When I felt good I would always try to wean myself off of my meds.
That's definitely it a problem.
You feel good because the meds are working, not necessarily because you're better.
I hated the stigma of having to take a pill to feel "happy."
I just wanted to be "normal."
What the hell is "normal" anyway?
There isn't a standard of normalcy.
It's functional or non-functional.

For those of you who don't have a mental illness, I'll explain what it feels like.
Those commercials on TV are so ridiculous.
It feels like you're stuck in a dark, awful bubble.
No matter what you do you can't feel better.
You hate yourself & the world around you.
You just want "peace."
Sometimes it's sleeping to turn your mind off.
Sometimes it's cutting yourself to release the inner pain through an outer channel.
(Don't make emo jokes here)
Sometimes it's not being able to cry because your body can't physically produce more tears.
Sometimes it's controlling outward things because you can't control your inner emotions.

Anyway, two years ago I attempted to kill myself.
I had reached that dark hole and just wanted out.
Life was too much and I just wanted to shut it all off.
I wanted to be at peace...or to feel anything other than what I felt.
The depression and anxiety were unbearable.
I had everything going for me, but I wasn't happy in my own mind.
I decided ending it all would be best.
Luckily, they got me to the hospital before the meds shut me down.
I had to drink a charcoal milkshake to absorb all the pills I had taken.
Let's just say when it's over it's like wiping with 80 grit sand paper...
I spent 4 days in a mental health unit.
It was fucking horrible.
You're like a prisoner, but you get to wear your own clothes.
I promised myself I wouldn't every be put in "one of those places" ever again.
Then I moved out to PHX to live with my cousin who had Borderline Personality Disorder.
It's similar to bipolar with the mood fluctuations, but occurs throughout a day rather than a month or so.
He "got" me more than anyone else in the world ever had.
We had the craziest, deepest bond you can ever imagine.
Then one morning, he shot himself in our house while we were home.

Fast forward to this past summer...

Feeling the same way all over again.
Great life, but I didn't want it.
I had been in the downward spiral for a few weeks.
I kept telling myself I was going to snap out of it.
I reached the breaking point and knew I had to get help or I would be gone within hours.
I knew that I couldn't put my family & friends through the fallout after Sean.
As much as I disregarded myself, I knew the pain it felt to lose someone to suicide.
I called my brother and told him I was coming home from work and that we needed to go straight to the hospital.
He knew I wasn't joking and we went.
I spent 6 days in the unit.
This time it was a better place and I didn't "work" the system just to get out.
I knew I had to make major changes or the cycle would repeat again.
After discharge, I went to IOPMH (Intensive Out-Patient Mental Health) for 5 weeks.
I met some inspiring, supportive friends who understand the daily challenges I face.
In some way, they save me every day.

My doctors/counselors/therapists have been assisting me with finding the diagnosis to my disorder.
A little OCD, a lot of anxiety, and a ton of mood fluctuations.
It isn't just depression & anxiety anymore.
There is something we've been missing the past 8 years prior.
So, we continue to work together to figure out my best treatment.
I hope one day I can be a fully functioning individual.
I'm working toward it each and every day.

So, what was the point of all this rambling?
If there is even one person who feels less alone and that it's ok to ask for help after reading my story,
then I did exactly what I intended to do when I began typing.
I may only be 24, but I've been through a lot of shit that others my age haven't been through.
I may seem like a crazy bitch sometimes, but I'm always here to listen...
To lend an ear or a shoulder.
Just know that I get it.

XOXO,
Allie

Move over Mrs. Cleaver...

 First off, I must state that I have been very busy lately...

which really means "stop giving me shit for only working 2 days a week."

I have volunteering, groups, a nephew, wedding planning and my new quest for making June Cleaver look like an amateur.

So please, BACK THE FUCK OFF.

                                                          Jealousy isn't a pretty look.
On a lighter note, Dave will be home in 23 days!!!
Which also means our little Costa Rica vacation is in 36!
I'm so excited to be able to wake up next to him rather than sending the usual good morning e-mail.
Just over 7 months and I'll be his wifey :)

I've been obsessed with cooking lately...thanks, Lisa.

Buying cook books, new gadgets, and actually COOKING.

Yes, I finally can say I enjoy being in the kitchen.

My need to be a hostess is also rearing it's head in full force.

The other night I decided I would make lasagna for the first time.
I also decided I would make my own alfredo sauce and my own recipe.
I followed basic cooking instructions, but that was about it.
Here is proof of the entire long process:

 Noodles...3 at a time for 10 minutes. WTF?
My homemade Alfredo sauce with mushrooms up front.
Sauteed chicken to the right.
Please ignore the ugly white appliances.

 Oh, hiii.
Just modeling my new apron...notice how my boobs are exploding out the side.

So cute and it matches the kitchen!

Noodles ready for layering
 

Finished product.
White Lasagna A La Allie.
It's ok to be jealous now.

XOXO, Allie

It's been a long time...

So, I've been crazy busy for the past couple of months and haven't had time to update.

There has been so much going on that a fully detailed account of everything would take too long.

I realized my last post was on June 1!

Here's a basic summary of everything that has gone on in The Farcht Lane.

JUNE

We finally moved into the house.

Moving is a never ending process.

Still has pictures to be hung and boxes to be unpacked.
It's a great home and I'm thankful for so much space!
I love decorating and buying new things to make this house a home.
I promise I'll post pics when this place looks more "complete."

Spent some time in the hospital at the end of the month.
Things can only get better from here.
I wouldn't have survived without John.
Dave is lucky to have such a wonderful brother.
And, of course, my fabulous friend Christina.
I love you, Janoy!

JULYDad came out for an emergency trip.
I'm thankful for such a wonderful family.
I went back to KC for a week.
It wasn't as relaxing as I had hoped, but it was good to be there for awhile.
Mary & Brian will always be close to my heart.
They are both such incredible friends and offer so much support!

I've been going to an IOPMH group.
These people have become a HUGE part of my life.
Each and every person has a story.
I wouldn't know what to do without them right now.

My volunteering is on hold for the time being.
I truly miss the girls at Dress For Success and helping women there.
I want to go back soon, but there are a lot of other things I need to get straightened out first.
You have to take care of yourself before you can truly help someone else.

AUGUSTThe girls and I went tubing down the Salt River.
It was certainly eventful...
Memories made and times never forgotten.

Lisa and Christina have been my saving grace on many days.
Co-workers is far too small of a word for the bond we have.
These girls have made me smile through tears and hugged me when I was in pain.
Words cannot express my true feelings for you both.

Lately, I have been "shown" who my authentic friends are and those who just around when times are good.
Here's the difference:
"I can tell you're having a bad day. I can be at your house in 10 minutes."
or
"Where the hell have you been? What is your problem today?"
I think those two examples sum up a lot.

So that is my basic account of the past two months.
Wedding planning is on hold...until I get my ass into gear again.
Dave will be home in September and I can't freaking wait.
He has been so supportive from a million miles away.
I cannot imagine spending the rest of my life with anyone other than him.
I love you, blue bird!
I promise to post pics of the house and my art work soon!
I've turned the extra room into my own little "art studio."
I fucking love it.

XOXO, Allie

Philadelphia

Hi guys.
I haven't updated lately because I was in Philly for 4 days!
Sara Monahan-Gerges tied the knot.
I had a great time seeing Sara and our friends from KC.
Really made me miss the girls.

I was the only one who made it in on Thursday.
Everyone from KC had major flight delays because of the weather on Wednesday.
It was nice to spend some quality time with Sara.
We haven't seen one another in almost 2 years!

We went to the spa on Friday morning...
ended up burning the hell outta my knee.
I'll spare you the photo.
The rehearsal went well even though we were missing 1/2 the bridal party.

Saturday morning came early since we had to catch up with the KC girls on Friday.
We started drinking getting ready at 10am.
Sara was FINALLY calm.
No more pre-wedding melt downs :)
So glad I was there for her.
Poor Kenny had to have been exhausted.
Sar, you can "repay" me in March.

There were 4 stylists in a mad frenzy of hair.
The combo of irons, A/C, and steam cleaner did not go well.
More champagne, please!
We all ruined our pink heels by "aerating the grass."
That was sad, but the ceremony was FANTASTIC.
Sara looked gorgeous.
Kenny was in awe.
It's amazing that none of us cried.

By this time we had had plenty of mimosas...
Andrew and I made an epic VIDEO
It involved drinking WHILE driving golf carts
And scream-singing some songs.

A great time was had by all.
Alicia, I'm sorry the bouquet was stolen from you and that you were tackled.
The after party continued back at the hotel bar...
you can only imagine what kinds of things were happening at that point.

It was a fun weekend!
I'll be uploading videos with my new Flip that Sara bought for the bridesmaids.
I've been super busy lately.
I feel like I'm on the go all the time, but I'm totally ok with that.
I'll try to post the pro pics if I get a chance.
Oh, and go check out Rebecca Ward if you need a photographer.

I'll try to update again later this week.
Can someone explain why my pictures won't go where I want them to?
Even if I choose "right, center, or left" and size they still go all over the place.
Have a good week.

XOXO,
Allie

Bridesmaids, guests, and etiquette

I'm getting ready for my friend's wedding in Philadelphia this weekend.
We've been chatting about both of our weddings a lot lately.
One thing we definitely agree on is how obnoxious people are about weddings.
Bridezillas aside, sometimes we just want to scream at everyone else.
So, I decided to dedicate a post to all the things we're dealing with...
and as a FYI to all you wedding-goers or bridal parties.

1. Don't assume you're invited just because you know me.
Events have budgets and that means, Tom, Dick, Harry, and your mom aren't invited.
Wait until you get an actual Save The Date or invitation before you plan on coming.
You know what happens when you "assume..."

2. Along with #1 it is also inappropriate to invite extra guests.No I don't want my family's friends coming to our wedding.
I haven't seen them in 5+ years, so why invite them now?
If we had to cut down our friend list we obviously don't want your friends there.
Unless your invite says, "and guest" or they receive their own, Don't Bring Them.

3. Weddings are carefully planned events.
Being invited is a privilege.
Being in the bridal party is an honor.
The wedding is about the Bride & Groom, not you.

4. BridesmaidsAgain, this is not your day.
You were chosen to help the bride...
whether that is to help her remain calm, grab last minute items, or help her put on that gown.
Don't give her unnecessary stress.
These last few months have been grueling for the bride and whining about petty things is dumb.

5. Don't take it personally if it is to be a child-free event.As in NO kids, NO exceptions unless they are in the womb.
Sometimes people just want a relaxing time for their guests.
This also makes it a lot easier on the bartender.
And who wants to hear screaming during their vows anyway?

6. We will have kids when we are ready.
You will know when we are going to begin that milestone.
No need to keep asking :)

7. We have wedding websites for a reason.
All the information is there.
Registry, accommodations, travel info, etc.

8. We will not be having menus to coordinate everyone's needs.Expecting to have specific food items are each person are unreasonable.
If you have allergies or don't like something then don't take it.
Simple.

9. RSVP cards are important.We need to know who will be joining us.
Final counts are very important.
A phone call or mentioning it doesn't count.
You must return that little card & envelope.

10. Out of town weddings are like mini-vacations.Make the best of your trip.
If you have free time, go explore the city.
Seeing friends is a bonus that comes with being there for the Big Day.

So, in a nutshell those are some of the things that Sara & I have been dealing with lately.
I'm not trying to start shit or call anyone out.
I just need to vent and make these things known.
Sometimes guests forget that it isn't all about them.
Sure we want you to have a great time, but the point of this was to celebrate the nuptials.

Leave your honest comments.
I'm a big girl and can take what you have to throw at me.
XOXO,
Allie

Live.Laugh.Love

That's for Dave.

Thankful my life's journey brought me here.

 I should make this entire piece my motto.

Thankful for second chances.

LIFE IS ART <3

My current mission...create the "me" who I want to be not the one someone expects me to be.

<3 you, Dave.

This is important in *any* kind of relationship. 

Do what makes you happy.

Spread your joy and give back.

Life is so many things. Never give up.

 I need to tell myself this every morning.

You never know when you may lose someone. SSK, we love and miss you so much. 

A few tidbits for thought. 

Going to make some very positive changes.

As long as I'm determined and my hubs-to-be is beside me, I can't fail.

I'm going to become an amazing woman one day.
Cheers to the journey we call life.

XOXO,
Allie